This new years was the first time in a long time I haven't been filled with dread. In the past it has been worries such as lack of money, infertility, jobs etc. Last year as I stood alone in a hospital room in GOSH, holding my desperately ill boy, trying to show him fireworks to cram in as many experiences in to such a fragile life 2009 was just filled with dread.
It was a difficult year with Ted's health for the first half of the year, he was rushed to intensive care, and we experienced a whole new level of fear that we didn't think possible.
However, he got better.
This year isn't going to be plain sailing as my dad starts chemotherapy this week for leukaemia which is now not controlled. He has COPD, so the chemo is going to be especially hard on his breathing, and we have all got to be able to do that,but at the moment I feel quite peaceful about it.
I decided this year was going to be a bit more about me. Not in a selfish way, but for the last 10+ years, everything I have done has been about the kids. I have always put their needs first, and I have become really unhealthy in the process.
I have taken on the challenge of a sponsored diet, for the liberty rose trust and I am determined I am going to lose up to 5 stone in the next 3 months.
I feel so ready to do this, and very positive. Over the last couple of years my weight has gotten worse, but I justified it by doing my best by the kids.
Not any more, I need to do this to be healthy and also happier. I am going to do this so I am not going to miss out on life anymore through self consciousness.
This year is also going to be the year a lot of us oncology parents get people to sit up and take notice of childhood cancer, through the childhood cancer awareness charity. I am so incredibly excited about this, and how we can move forward with this.
If you haven't signed our petition yet, then please do so, it is so important and we need 10,000 signatures!